HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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