You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
