I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
