your parents love me but you hate me
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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