Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
