If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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