I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
