I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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