new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
