hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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