11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
