he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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