Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
