Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
