you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
