like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize