Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
