I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
