how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
