apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
