At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
