you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
