you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
