I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
