theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
