dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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