I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
