Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish you could order shots online.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
