he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
