I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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