what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize