im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
