I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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