She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
