I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Boobs speak an international language.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
