My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
