girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We got so high we made milksteak
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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