he shaved USA in his pubs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
