tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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