why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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