This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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