I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
