I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
