I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Randomize
