I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
