Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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