Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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