Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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