are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
