This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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