I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
