Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
