Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
