She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize