lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
