I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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