so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
