I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
