when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
