Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
