I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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