Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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