can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
