So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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